A SEVERED HEAD CARRYALL + OTHERS FOUND AT HOME
SO...THIS CONTAINER, PICTURED BELOW, WAS SPECIALLY PREPARED TO HOUSE MY TOTALLY SEVERED HEAD. NO KIDDING! OF COURSE, I REALIZED WHAT THIS ABOMINATION WAS THE MOMENT IT ENTERED MY HOME. I SAID, "ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL RIGHT NOW? WHAT'S THAT FOR--MY SEVERED FUCKING HEAD?!" A DAY OR TWO LATER, I RECEIVED THE AFFIRMATIVE: "YEAH, SO WHAT IF IT IS [MEANT TO HOUSE YOUR TOTALLY SEVERED HEAD]--" WAS MY THEN-SIGNIFICANT OTHER'S VERY SIGNIFICANT REPLY. *FOR THE RECORD, I WOULD NEVER KID ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE A SEVERED HEAD CARRYALL. WELL, I MEAN, II COULD AND WOULD DEFINITELY JOKE ABOUT IT--BECAUSE HUMOR GETS ME THROUGH EACH AND EVERY DAY--BUT I WOULD NEVER (EVER EVER) MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THIS UP. I WOULDN'T EVEN MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THIS UP REGARDLESS OF HOW ENTERTAINING IT COULD BE IF I DID--BECAUSE, WELL, LYING ABOUT A SEVERED HEAD CARRYALL IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. BAD OMENS ABOUND, FOLKS, WHEN YOU START MAKING THIS KINDA SHIT UP. NOTE THE INSCRIPTIONS AND TOTALLY SPOOKSVILLE DRAWINGS ETCHED INTO THE SCHMUTZ INSIDE THIS SEVERED HEAD CARRYALL. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHAT THIS SCHMUTZ COULD BE. MY FIRST GUESS--JUST OFF THE TOP, WOULD BE SMEGMA--BUT THAT'S JUST ME. I MEAN, IT COULD BE COMPRISED OF MULTIPLE BODILY FLUIDS. ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE, I GUESS. NEEDLESS TO SAY, S.O. AND I--WE'RE NO LONGER TOGETHER. I GUESS HE JUST HAD TOO MUCH BAGGAGE--LIKE, SO LITERALLY. I MEAN, IMAGINE IF YOU FOUND THIS KIND OF BAGGAGE IN YOUR TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT?! YOU'D BE LIKE, "UM, THANKS, NO THANKS AND BYE FELICIA" LIKE, YESTERDAY TOO. THESE OTHER IMAGES ARE OF OTHER ITEMS LEFT AT D.B. CAROLINIAN'S HOME BUT NOT LEFT BY D.B. CAROLINIAN. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT IF ANYONE COULD BRING SATANIC PANIC BACK, IT'D BE ME. IDK WHY. JUST SEEMED LIKE SOMETHING I WOULD DO.